Philemon – Repairing Bad Relationships
Philemon:
Repairing Bad Relationships
When Relationships Sour
In an ideal world, in an ideal mind, all relationships are harmonious, wonderful, easy and always without troubles. If this is your expectation in relationships, then you will be consistently disappointed and unable to progress in life. It is dishonest and perhaps dangerous to your psyche to assume that all relationships will go well.
You really need to understand how to live life with unresolved issues. This book of the Bible, Philemon, raises many questions about relationships that need to be considered. When we hope for reconciliation, we always hope for the best. But is the best always possible.
You Cannot Reconcile with Everyone
It is necessary to learn how to live with situations and people relations that can never be resolved. It is crucial that you understand how to identify when a soured relationship cannot be repaired. This is really important for Christians. Why? Because we live under the false notion that we should get along with everyone. While this is a noble and perhaps biblical aim, it is unachievable. It is impossible for numerous reasons which are beyond this teaching.
A Biblical Example of A Soured Relationship
I thank God that the Bible tells stories as they were. No hiding the blemishes or covering up shameful and wrong actions. Philemon, was a church leader who held a grudge and perhaps a legal right to press criminal charges against someone he knew. That person was Onesimus. Scholars disagree about their disagreement, but the relationship had broken down several years previous to account the Bible records. We read about this broken relationship in the book of Philemon, written by the Apostle Paul, from the city of Rome.
Problems of Trust
Perhaps the largest detriment to rebuilding a broken relationship is the question of trust. After one person has burned the other and trust is once again extended, will the person betray the trust a second time. There are three possible ways to move forward in this situation.
Do Not Trust Again. In this case, it is possible to forgive and forget. But to also consider that you will not place yourself in a vulnerable place again. You will not give the person that right or privilege over your life. Using the analogy of a house, the person, in this case would only be allowed to visit you in the front lawn. But you would decide not to let them cross the threshold of the font door.
Limited Trust: In this case, you might be willing to identify some areas where you can allow yourself to be vulnerable or where you might rust again. In the analogy of the house, the person would be welcomed inside, but would have limited access to the rooms of the house. They would be welcomed into the living areas or kitchen, but that’s where their access would end.
Complete Trust: In this case, you would extend full trust in all areas of the relationship. In some cases this is necessary. In the analogy of the house, this person would be offered access to any room or things that they need while visiting your home.
Which One Does The Bible Say is Correct
All three would be biblical responses. Neither would be more biblical than the other.
What About Hoping For Something Better?
This can all sound a bit pessimistic. Isn’t there something different that begins in the heart when someone is born again? Doesn’t the Holy Spirit create a power, a good feeling, a joy, a new humility that longs for broken relationships to be repaired? Aren’t there many stories of people who experienced something new in Christ and that spread throughout all the relationships?
The answer to all these questions is, “Yes!” If we cannot hope for repair, then what makes us as any different than people who not experienced.
Did Philemon and Onesimus Ever Reconcile
We do not know whether or not the two men were able to repair their broken relationship. For a few reasons we can assume that they did.
- The letter was written and included in the Bible
- Onesimus with Tychicus delivered the letter to the church in Colossae
- The Onesimus mentioned here, may have become a bishop.
However, we are left to wonder. For those who like to feel good, they are probably going to assume that everything worked out between the two men. For those who are more cynical or suspicious, they might assume otherwise.
